A letter I’d Never Thought I’d find myself writing.

Dear Ryan,
Tomorrow is June 24th, 2017 and you’ll be turning 22 years old and this is a letter I never thought I’d write. You’re somebody I used to be proud of in every aspect and I have to tell you, you’re not who you’re supposed to be and you’re not where you should be. You had a really bright future.. well honestly, everything about you was bright. Your days weren’t always so dark. Your personality was infectious and you spoke with conviction. Your words weren’t flimsy and didn’t sway with the winds of life.

Your dreams meant something, they were what made exactly who you are. They didn’t take a backseat when life told you to. Look around you, your dreams walked out the door, your lights are out, the insides are beat up and abandoned and everything is updated with new age bullshit. That house you call your life, isn’t home. I’m not sure what happened, obviously It’s not just one moment but a whole compilation of unfortunate events. I know how you’re feeling and It’s not okay. You’re not okay. It’s not “bad days” like everyone says, It’s more than that. I know It’s been awhile since I’ve seen you but I know you haven’t forgotten about me because I’m the reason you’re always down and I’m sorry. I’ve had the worst experience watching the collapse of something once so strong. You. I understand life happens, I get that but figure it out. You were so talented making a beautiful masterpiece out of absolutely nothing. It was magic and I say magic because nobody ever believed it was real, what you were able to do and set your mind to and accomplish was unmatched. It was very real. Maybe now you’ve just let the voices of disbelief echo inside you for long enough that you have actually started to believe them yourself. I want the butterflies to come back to you with peace of mind on their wings. Now, with every shitty thing you’ve done and huge mistake made up to this point, there’s been plenty of good things to still be proud of. You always follow your heart for the most part and it led you right to that girl. That not so blonde haired angel. Keep her and cherish her. Congrats on the move across the country and leaving that small nothing town back in Pennsylvania. You always said you were going to leave and It took awhile but you made it happen but not without your friends of course. I’m proud that you’re getting some of your writing out into the world with this blog, Too Grand Of A Scene just might be your saving grace. You need to get those beautiful thoughts out of that brain and onto paper and you’re finally doing that. Good for you. Now as much as I would like to continue stroking your ego with these positive things, I have to tear you down in an honest manner so you can build back into the person I once knew and loved. I miss him. Please chase your dreams. Continue at them everyday because a life with broken dreams and unfulfilled potential isn’t a life worth living. You know what you want. That 1 single thing that you think about everyday. Go get it. Get it back. You need it for your heart to keep beating. That may sound like an exaggeration to anyone reading this but you know better than anyone that It’s true. You won’t find that kind of happiness or feeling of completeness anywhere else or with anything else in this world. 22 years isn’t too late just yet, you have a little time still to make it happen. Please. Chase it. It’s your ticket to making your life your own. I know it’s always on your mind. Everyday is a struggle in general considering everything you’re dealing with mentally and emotionally because these are new feelings you’ve never felt to this degree before but that’s life. These days are certainly harder than the last. Never sell yourself out. You’ve been great with that up to this point but I just don’t want you to forget. I know at times like this It gets easier to go with what makes more sense but that’s not you. Be what you want to be. Nobody else has to believe that you’re going to be somebody. Just me. You know that and I certainly know that. I just want you to come home. Come back soon because that beaten up abandoned body of house you’re living in is just sad. It reeks of depression and that’s not okay. I miss you and I hope for your sake you figure it out soon.. rather than later. Happy Birthday. Stay dreaming.
Yours Truly,

– 16 year old Ryan.

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