A few years ago, every time I would walk into a convenient store and be rung out or be served at a restaurant I’d notice that the people working that job were much older and I’d ask myself “Why are these 40 year old men and women working a job that has zero fulfillment?’ Up until I was about 20, I was under that impression that your dreams are everything you needed and as long as you desired something more than anything else, It would just turn out okay. I was naive enough to believe that at 16 and it was a beautiful thing.
I’m not writing this to tell you that dreams are crazy and not enough in their own right. I’m just saying that life is crazy and that’s one aspect you will never be able to 100% control. Things constantly happen that you have zero control over and you could be headed right towards that big dream of yours and suddenly It’s all over and you have life to attend to. Being 22, and not really having any true accomplishments and not knowing what direction to take in my life, just knowing It’s not a normal scheduled job and everything that I aspire for Is not easy. I could easily become that 40 year old waiter. It’s so easy to chase your dreams for a lifetime and not end up at that final successful destination. I’m a walking example of that. Being so young, and I’ve still personally have had so many setbacks in my short life. I can’t even imagine getting older and having more things possibly going wrong. It’s easy to end up having no choice but to work to catch back up on bills. Growing up, this was my story. My mom has worked at a grocery store for 21 years and we never had much more than we generally needed to get by. My dad wasn’t exactly tight knit with the family and worked at a warehouse. It never changed the amount of respect I had for her and him to put food on the table and provide. The reason I’m mentioning this is that I’m not writing this to put anyone down. I have a level of respect for working people to provide for your loved ones. It’s just an honest way to look at things. I have nothing to really point in the direction of success but It’s that gut feeling of mine that gets me through. Blind faith. I can now answer that question I never could before. It’s so easy to become the normal. I’m not here to put down the “normal” life. I’m just here to say that with each dream, on the other side of those are 1 dose of harsh reality if the dream doesn’t pan out. The reason I called it a beautiful thing is because amongst this scary leap of faith is the most emotional ride you’ll ever be on in your life. The up’s and down’s are like waves, you just have to ride out each one in it’s entirety. They’ll be the best and worst times of your life. There’s a beautiful thing about not knowing and I truly believe and live by that. The way the mind of a youth thinks is art in itself. Being 17 and feeling like everything is possible is just so special. To find that in adulthood among all these status quo lifestyles is rare. The feeling of infinity. Being infinite. To believe in dreams bigger than the small town you’re living in. My biggest fear is getting older and when I tell my friends that, they all assume It’s because I think you can’t do the same things when you’re old. When in reality, It’s just your mind changes. Eventually people grow up and have an adult mentality and If you ask me. That’s just depressing. I want that youthful spark to never go out. Why should It? Since when did acting like a kid become so wrong? I’m a dreamer and despite the harsh realities, life constantly getting in the way, and being completely lost every year of my life. I’ll still take that leap of faith. I want to decide my own fate. Not everyone else living around me. Who knows, maybe you’ll be getting me as your server in 18 years or be on the other side of that convenience store counter. I could also live this dream of mine and that alone is enough for me to not be scared of reality. I’ll just keep dreaming.