I’m never sure what you and life are up to

The not knowing

We used to drink to that

Celebrate never knowing anything

Together. Every night and the one before last

I can’t handle my alcohol right now

Since we don’t laugh like we used to

I hardly know you

I haven’t seen you in a long ass time

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I miss being on the right side

Of good times

I hate that 27

Doesn’t sound old anymore

I remember those conversations

In my 5th period English class senior year

About how anyplace

Is better than this one

How we would talk and promise

To be the friends that ACTUALLY “Keep in touch”

Which is a fancy way of saying

I’ll like your posts on social media every couple months

And getting really good at wishing you happy birthday

In the belated kind of way

I know they were just football games and classroom antics
Typical high school semantics and such

Heartbreak filled of fake love

That we had every reason to believe it was real

But, damn what happened to those days

I hate that I’m here and you’re not

None of this ended up like we thought

I remember the best friends on speed dial

How eating Mcdonald’s at 1am in some parking lot

Talkin about nothing was something to do

Now we grow up and need excuses to leave our room

Always got yelled at for making home my revolving door

Constantly In and out! My mom would always shout

I just miss it.

All of those authentic hearts

Beating in the same place

Those were the best moments

I just wish I had realized that when we still felt infinite

We didn’t waste our time growing up

We didn’t do insignificant things

We tried our best in so many different ways

Not like today, where everyone thinks the same

Seriously, All those “crazy” kids that were labeled

“Going Nowhere” had more charisma than any adult

I’ve met in the last 5 years

In world filled of auto tuned droids

Telling you what your resume should look like

What they don’t tell you about is the void that follows

The enormous void of happiness in your chest

I don’t care how nice the paycheck is

Have fun with that

I know being broke is scary

I know being alone is fucking terrifying

I know going off the beaten path is never recommended

And certainly not for the faint of heart

It’s just more important than ever to feel fear

I’m tired of listening to the same sentences

The same advice. The same everything.

I want to feel every emotion under the stars

Especially the ones that hurt the most

You have to know what pains you in the worst way

To know it on a personal level

Like, all downhill from here

Becomes a place you can picture in your head

That way you can know when life is giving you something worth feeling

I want my early and mid 20’s to not be lost

But, to be everything I haven’t been yet

A time of my life where I can look back at and say

I lived it fruitfully and know I realized the good times when they still actually existed.



I could’ve graduated college
I would’ve known better about all this debt I have now.

I should’ve probably not gotten arrested.  
My plans were going to work out
I wasn’t going to be broke at 22
I’ve been high 14 times this week
I thought I was going to be somebody different
I was destined to be great
No. Lately, All I do is break
I’m sorry I told you I loved you
And I didn’t mean it.

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This office chair has the imprint of my body. That’s what I was afraid of.

All these people around me talking as if they have a single clue

of who to be or what to do and rambling about nothing of substance. just big paychecks and stroking their power tripping egos.

No, I won’t say sorry for bumping into you and wrinkling your brand new freshly pressed suit.

But, what I will say is sorry to the people you’ve wronged to get to where you are

and goodbye to the last shred of decency inside of you once upon a time

except with this story, it doesn’t have a happy ending

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