I could’ve graduated college
I would’ve known better about all this debt I have now.
I should’ve probably not gotten arrested.
My plans were going to work out
I wasn’t going to be broke at 22
I’ve been high 14 times this week
I thought I was going to be somebody different
I was destined to be great
No. Lately, All I do is break
I’m sorry I told you I loved you
And I didn’t mean it.
I didn’t plan on wrecking my car
… the first or the second one
I’d give you my heart
And what’s left of it now
But that’s checked out. It did a curtsy and a bow.
I’m not scared of anything
Not at this time
Only everything 10 years from now
Which should be a good thing
Except now all my “glory days”
Are worry days.
What if I’m still waiting tables then
What if I never leave this damn cubicle
I’m sorry for all the wrong I’ve put on all of you in my life. I never meant to. Well. Everyone except you. Brooke Loudon. Fuck you.
I never wanted these responsibilities.
Take them away.
Save a young adult today.
Also, maybe I shouldn’t of
Done those drugs with a stranger at the night club I used to work at. Or maybe that’s just common sense. Oops.
I know this is probably the part where I should be saying “Hey mom I’ll be okay” but I can’t. I can’t get to that part. I cannot say “I’ll be okay” without the sound of doubt rolling off my tongue first. Spitting into all my false self-praised words. Normal paycheck to paycheck family curse. Spend all your days forced back to work. I never wanted that. Never going to have that. No. I had real dreams and aspirations. Well here’s a fact. Here I am today, stuck with this damn curse.
Somehow making it just always far worse.
To be honest, I’m just bumbling through life. No direction in sight. And you know what? Maybe just maybe I’ll end up alright.
I’ve already made it this far.
Up on this stage tonight.
At this point I’m just gambling
Hopefully I’ll age like cheese does.
Better with age.
Like a fine cheddar. Continue reading